I was looking at my blog page, quite blankly, knowing that I was approaching that deadline called: “I know if I don’t write soon, I’ll be among the mass of forgotten blogs.” However, my writer’s block likes to taunt me, so I found myself aimlessly scrolling through my News Feed on my Facebook page. (Which reminded me of this song.) To the right of the screen, there’s the chat bar that tells you how many people are also online. 20 people. Can you believe that at 3 am, 20 people found it beneficial to sit on Facebook? Well, I can’t pass judgement because I made it 21. But that number felt incredibly high, and I can’t help but wonder, “Why?” It made me think back to a movie I watched earlier in the evening, Crazy, Stupid, Love. In the movie, Ryan Gosling tells Emma Stone that he’s “wildly unhappy”, which has led to his mild insomnia.
What a perfect combination of words: wildly unhappy. And, while I don’t consider myself wildly unhappy, I can appreciate the value of what Gosling’s character is saying. So why am I, and 20 of my Facebook peers, up so late? I can only speak on my own behalf, and here’s where it will dawn on you, my lovely audience, that this whole spiel (including, but not limited to, TWO media references) was really just a lead-in to how I’m doing. 😉 Intrigued?
I’m stuck in a rut. I’m playing a waiting game with my mailbox, hoping one day I’ll hear back from one of the colleges I’ve applied to. Symptoms may include: restless nights, irritability, and nail-biting suspense. Drat. I don’t mean to sound negative about this down-time, because good is stemming from it.
It’s now allowed me to consider what I want to do with my future. I’d like to be able to say I have a clue, but that’d be false. Yet, the breath in my schedule is nice. The monotony of schoolwork is broken up by my after-school activities, and I’m finding a new love and appreciation for those, knowing that next year I’ll be without Masco’s Photo Club and various band programs. All I’ve ever known is “Go Go Go!”, but I’m living at a slower pace now, taking in and absorbing what I can, and whole heartedly loving it. And while I don’t know what 20 others are thinking about as they browse through the catalogues of their peers’ documented lives, I know that at 3 am I’m contently pondering what little I have figured out, but confident enough to know that I’m far from “wildly unhappy.”